Saving the Light Within
by Jane Glass
Summary: After a small moment, Light met L's eyes again, "Yes?" "Yesterday, you admitted to being Kira, a 'god' and a killer." (In an AU, L fights to help his demonic, "godly" friend, but will he manage to save the Light within or will Kira win?) [COMPLETE-might add extra stuff, though]
1. Wishful Thinking

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 1: Wishful Thinking**

 **AN: So, hopefully I got most of the details from the anime right. Also, major SPOILERS ahead. You've been warned. Hope you enjoy it!**

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Even the strawberry in his mouth tasted bitter, but maybe it was just imagination getting at him. It did do that sometimes, especially after a long amount of time without sleep. Or maybe it was a bad strawberry.

L tried to make himself focus on all of the sheets of papers around him, telling him things he knew about already, instead of the sound of the rain pattering against the rooftop, or the sound of traffic below his current apartment, or the tornado of thoughts in his head.

He stood and walked towards the window overlooking the town, his usually blank stare slightly weary as he stared out the window, not really seeing anything, though.

Or not seeing anything out the window, anyways. He just saw himself in the reflection, mixed with memories of who he used to be, and mixed with memories of the Kira Case...

...and Light.

He saw Light, and Light stared back at L, his normally well masked expression finally showing, but it wasn't the face of an evil killer or a crazy god, it was the face of a sad, helpless young adult.

His amber eyes shined with tears, and for a moment, L wanted to look away.

Near, or "N" had been working on finding Kira for a long time now, giving any information that he found to L, the detective everyone thought was dead.

And now, very soon, they'd prove that Light was and is Kira.

L turned away from the window as Watari walked in, "It's about to happen."

With a nod, L followed him back outside and got into the car waiting for him there, trying to be quick to avoid getting wet.

The drive to the warehouse wasn't too long, as Near had told him, too, where it was, and about a hour later they were parked a good ways from the warehouse, walking towards the building carefully.

Soon they quietly made there way into the second floor of the building, where the cameras were set up already, and L sat down on a chair before one of them, watching as the plan Near made started to unfold.

L didn't say a word as the victory continued, partly because he wished Light wasn't Kira, partly because someone downstairs might hear him, and partly because he was extremely satisfied with Near's work, and content with just watching as one of the world's worst killers was finally being revealed for who he is.

And then...Matsuda raised his gun at Light...or Kira.

It didn't matter to L what Kira said to make Matsuda do that.

L ignored Watari's efforts of trying to stop him as he practically ran downstairs, revealing himself to everyone below, "Don't!"

They all stared at him, and Light's eyes seemed to flicker between insane and something else for a moment.

Near was the first to make any sound, as he sighed, sounding slightly annoyed, "Matsuda, put the weapon away."

Matsuda's shocked stare turned into an enraged glare as he turn to Near, tears still trailing down his face, "With how many people he's killed?! I have every right-!"

"If you kill him, no matter what the reason, then how are you any different than him?"

Matsuda's glare only got more deadly as Near finished his sentence and began to curl his white hair, "Because..." Matsuda paused, trying frantically to find words to help him, "I'm not him! I won't kill hundreds or thousands of people, just him, and then-"

Near cut him off again, though, "Matsuda, back away from him, and lower your weapon."

Matsuda looked back at Light, fighting more tears as he glared at him, then he slowly backed up, lowering the gun in his shaky hands.

Light started to shout something, but L spoke first, "Watari, bring them in, now."

Watari ran out on L's command, and quickly brought back a crew of agents.

With the insane look in his eyes, mixed with fear, Light stood immediately and turned towards another door before opening it with little difficulty and escaping.

In the back of his mind, L wondered why he hadn't decided to get that door locked, but mainly he focused on running after Light, with Watari, the agents, Near's team and the police force all following him.

Light soon cornered himself in a building with no escape, and L carefully walked forward, his breathing slowing down from the chase.

"I'm-I'm a god! You can't restrain me! I-"

L took his chances now that Light was surrounded, and he walked forward before punching him, not really wanting to hear any speech that began in that way, but also knowing that Light wouldn't give up without a fight.

Light quickly recuperated, dropping down, and swinging a leg at L, who swiftly jumped and land again, out of the way of Light's leg, then L lifted his foot to shove Light into the nearby wall.

L saw as Light began to make a move, but he quickly pulled Light off the wall by his shirt, which was when Light spun them, and shoved L into the wall instead, pinning his arms down.

The agents moved in to grab him and Light punch L before turning to face them.

L quickly grabbed Light against him, wrapping an arm over his neck to hold him in place against himself.

Light growled as the police crew began to cuff his hands together, then he turned, trying to face L from where he was, but he only barely managed, "I'm just gonna get away again. You can't stop me...unless you kill me."

L stayed silent as Light begin to laugh in his mindless way again.

L had made his decision already. He wanted to try one more thing, before letting his friend be killed.


	2. Kira

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 2: Kira**

 **AN: Short chapter this time, sorry, but it's for plot reasons, sort of. Also, if I've gotten any details wrong, feel free to tell me. And remember, this is slightly AU, so if their personalities seem slightly OOC, then we'll say it's because of that (Can I get a T for trying?).  
**

 **Enjoy! Happy holidays if you celebrate!**

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It'd been a week without sleep now, but ever since they'd put Light back into his cell yesterday, L found he wasn't at all tired. Quite the opposite.

Light's behavior had already changed again, quite to his shock. He'd gone from smiling evilly (and looking insane in the process) at everyone, to wondering why he was in prison again overnight. And having stayed up all night, L knew that nothing seemed to cause it.

He bit his thumb nail as he played with his banana split, trying to wrap his mind around the weird turn of events.

How could Light, who had just yesterday acted completely insane and admitted to being a "god", be the same Light who now sat in small room on the floor, his amber eyes showing total innocence and slight confusion.

L had known this would happen. It must have happened last time, too.

At the time, he had thought that maybe he had been wrong, that maybe Light wasn't Kira, but it wasn't L who's opinion changed, it was Light's behavior.

Light's innocence last time was so easy to see, his words were so easy to believe, and the fact that he wanted to capture Kira, was so true to even blind eyes, that L had thought that because he was closer to him he could see the truth, and that Light wasn't Kira.

But it was Light all along. Or maybe it was Kira. Maybe Kira wasn't anyone but itself. Maybe Kira is the killer, and Light had no clue all along.

L had trouble understanding how that could be, but one thing he did know was that Light wasn't faking anything. He could see that.

L tried to remember last time, and when he had first started wondering about Light being Kira again.

He shook his head, deciding that he already was basing enough on his opinion and memory.

There was only one way he'd work out this puzzle.


	3. The Great Puzzle

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 3: The Great Puzzle**

 **AN: Thanks everyone who reviewed this, favorited this or followed this, or if you just read it! This will probably be the last chapter until after the holidays, as I'll probably be too busy then, but I'll continue it in January! Happy holidays, if you celebrate, and have a good rest of the year!**

Guest:  
"I like this so far, just wondering, but are you going to make this a short story, or something longer? **"**

 **It's going to be around eight chapters long, more or less, maybe ten.**

 **Also, I didn't come up with this L survives theory by myself,** Kokiri-Hylian-Hero **and I both thought it up. Not sure if anyone else had the idea.**

 **Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

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L looked up from his coffee at his place on his chair as Light walked in.

Light was dressed as he normally was, wearing a dark red turtle neck, a pair of khaki slacks, and shoes. His hair was starting to grow out a bit longer than he normally allowed it, and L wondered if the circles underneath his eyes had been there yesterday, if so, he hadn't noticed.

The men who followed Light in turned to leave as L waved them off.

And then he was left with Light...and possibly Kira.

"L," Light stepped forward, looking weary, "What-what happened?"

L stared back at him, trying to read the emotion in his eyes, "What do you think happened?"

For a moment, Light looked confused, but his expression quickly turned angry, "What kind of question is that?!"

L stayed calm as he watched the younger man with interest, "What all can you remember of yesterday?"

Light took a breath, obviously trying to calm down, "I remember a lot of things...but I can't understand half of the things."

As he attempted to comprehend what exactly Light was talking about, L spooned up some of his melting ice cream from his banana split, but he put it back down in disinterest and glanced up to meet Light's eyes.

For whatever reason, there was fear and dread there, but it was quickly masked with a layer of curiosity and patience.

"Just tell me what you remember of yesterday."

"L," Light said, his voice shaking with either fear or anger, just the slightest bit, "I can't... I don't know if what I'm remembering even happened. It's so weird...it must have been a dream...but then, I can't remember what really happened yesterday, if it is a dream and there's no way I could know if it is real or-"

"Light-kun."

Light stopped, taking another deep breath, for whatever reason, but the only way L could tell this time was because of the noticeable rise and fall of his chest beneath his shirt.

After a small moment, Light met L's eyes again, "Yes?"

"Yesterday, you admitted to being Kira, a 'god' and a killer."

L had even used a voice he knew would make Light angry, like he was accusing him. If Light were to react in his usual way, he would probably snap or yell at him, saying that he wasn't Kira. Or maybe he would reveal that he did remember, and stop acting. But no, L had clearly been right, this wasn't Kira, because his reaction to this was silence.

Light looked down and continued to stay quite, and he did so for some time.

L wondered how many minutes were passing, but he couldn't make himself speak, and if he had to have an accuse, it was because he was carefully watching Light's reaction.

Finally Light looked back up, a frown tugging his lips down, his eyebrows knitted in confusion, and maybe it was just L, but his eyes seemed quite shiny around the lower edges.

"I don't remember killing anyone, L. I don't remember being Kira."

"What do you remember?"

"From yesterday?" He paused as L nodded, "Just...some things. I remember being at that warehouse. I remember you suddenly appearing after a lot of...talking, maybe. I remember Matsuda...he was going to do something, and I remember N telling him not to. And then...I started running somewhere? And..."

Light trailed off, but L saw that he knew what else happened. He remembered their short battle.

"That all happened, but I can see that you can't remember a lot of it."

Light nodded, then frowned for a moment in thought, "L...you died."

It took a moment for L to understand what he was talking about, but when he did, he watched Light and said, "I used a paralysis medicine to make it look like I was, and made a deal with the Shinigami, so that Kira thought the Shinigami killed me, as he apparently asked her to."

Something told L that Light already knew what that meant, and he wondered how he'd known. Maybe he'd known that Kira had killed L, from what everyone said.

"I remember seeing that...seeing you die. I'm so sorry, L..."

"No reason to apologize, Light-kun, it wasn't your fault, if what you're saying is true."

Light quickly met his eyes, "No, I mean... When we were still working on the case together, I had once wondered if I could be Kira...and I had decided that it could only be possible if I'm Kira, and I just don't know it. Could it be true? Is there proof that I'm Kira?"

"I think after all that I saw yesterday, I can say without doubt that at least some part of you is or was Kira."

Light shook his head a little as he thought it over, "Then what about now? How am I myself?"

"In the middle of the night, your behavior suddenly changed."

It was like they were on the Kira case all over again, except so much more closer to closing the case. L was actually a little bit happy, being able to do this again. To see Light and talk to him again.

"What caused it? Did anything happen around or before that time last night? Anything that might have triggered it?"

Suddenly realization hit L hard, and his eyes went wide, "I had actually forgotten, but I had told Watari to burn the Death Note that you'd had, since it wouldn't be of any real help to us. That was a little before your behavior change."

They stared at each other, then Light quickly walked over to sit down on a couch near L, "So...Kira is gone because the Death Note is gone?"

"Perhaps Kira...was the Death Note. When did...where did you find the Death Note?"

Light glanced down, "Outside on my way home...that was...before the Kira case."

"Before Kira."

Light glanced back to meet L's eyes, "I swear I don't remember-"

"I believe you."

They stared at each other for a moment, then Light broke the silence, "So...what will happen now?"

It was an excellent question, and L was quick to answer, his regular, bored tone returning, "We wait, we watch. If no more sightings of Kira actions accure, then we'll let you continue your normal...well, somewhat normal life. Until then, I think it'll be best if you stay here."

Light nodded and watched as L stood to walk to the other side of the small room, then he walked back over to sit next to Light on the couch, offering him one end of the long chain.

"L..." Light began to complain, but L was quick to stop him, "You know I have to."

Light turned to look into L's tired eyes, and he already knew he was right, but he hated it.

"Fine."

L cuffed he chain to Light's wrist before doing the same to himself, then he put the key in his pants pocket, "I am sorry, but I must keep an eye on you."

Light just nodded.

He knew, but he felt so weak, so out of control...it was so unfair.


	4. Nightmares

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 4: Nightmares**

 **AN: So, I wanted to show Light's thoughts, so this chapter will follow him sort of, instead of L. I'll probably switch back to L later, though. Also, sorry this chapter being a bit later than I intended! And sorry that this chapter is so short! Enjoy!**

Being chained to L again brought back memories, but it felt strange, too. He hadn't been himself in a while, and he could tell. He felt different...older, somehow. His hair had grown out, too, which he didn't remember noticing.

That all being said, one of the last times he'd been himself, was just after being un-cuffed from L. And then he wasn't himself. If he remembered correctly, they were in a helicopter, and they'd found a Death Note...

Light gasped out loud, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden memory that flooded his mind. He had touched the Death Note...and that had been enough to let Kira take over?

He pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to figure out if these were Kira's memories, or if he was just remembering what had happened before...probably the latter.

"Headache?"

Light glanced over to meet the dark, grayish eyes of L. If he told him the truth, L would assume that Light did remember being Kira, wouldn't he? It just seemed like the type of thing L would do.

Light nodded, grabbing up the papers of other mystery cases L was allowing him to look through before placing them on the desk by his side of the bed, "Yeah, I think I'll get some sleep."

L looked back to his laptop before him, so Light laid down, pulling the covers up midway.

He closed his eyes, letting the sound of clicking, typing, and traffic busy his mind. Soon reality and dream started to mix, and before he knew it, it was morning.

He got up, wondering how morning came so quickly.

Light walked up to his desk, smiling as he opened the black, small book, with the big, white, and strangely written words, "Death Note" on the front.

He smirked and grabbed his pen with his right hand, and switched on a small TV with his left hand.

It was already set to the news, as it always was, and he watched, feeling devious.

He quickly jolted down names as they came up. Names of evil, vile, disgusting monsters.

And he watched with satisfaction as the ones he could see died.

Light began writing more names, and more names, switching between the channels of news.

And as he continued taking lives, he started to laugh.

It was hilarious. It was amazing. It felt so good.

"No!"

Light blinked, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"Light-kun?"

At his name, he turned to look at L, who was sitting up slightly, propped on his elbow. Had L been sleeping? Light found that odd, but he wasn't sure why.

He smiled, though, realizing what had seemed like reality had been a dream...a bad dream.

L apparently got tired of the short silence, so he spoke again, "Did you have a nightmare?"

Light gritted his teeth, realizing he couldn't tell L, "No, I just..." while looking for an excuse, he realized how late it was, "Can't beleive I didn't wake up sooner."

"Really," L raised an eyebrow , "Or is that just an excuse?"

Light turned back towards L, though he had been about to get up, "How dare you accuse me of lying to you? Why would I even need to lie about something as trivial as a bad dream?"

L's expression remained annoyingly calm, "It's alright to admit to having bad dreams, Light. It's completely normal."

Sighing angrily, Light turned away and stood up, "I didn't have a bad dream!"

He got dressed into a normal, but casual outfit, then began putting his shoes on, trying to ignore the panda eyes still watching him.

"Light, did you know, I can tell when you're just being defensive."

Light rolled his eyes, but put on a fake, sad smile before looking back to L, "You're right, I'm sorry. I just...don't want to talk about it."

L's eyes got more suspicious at that, so Light quickly spoke again, "Let's go get some breakfast, L-Ryuzaki."

Finally L seemed to drop it as he stood up.

Light tried to busy his mind with the papers that held information on other cases while he waited, but his mind wouldn't let him. It wanted to think about the dream.

He sighed, knowing sooner or later, L would find out somehow.


	5. Honesty

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 5: Honesty**

 **AN: Sorry that this chapter wasn't out sooner! Also, if it seems like they're being paired and you don't like that, I'm sorry. If you like that though, then...uh, good for you. I'm not pairing L and Light, nor do I plan to (but ya know, you can pretend).  
**

 **Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to make my day better just by leaving a review or adding this story to you favorites list!**

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Neither of them had really said much all the way to the bakery, and even now neither of them spoke, as they ate their pastries and drank their coffees.

Light preferred it that way, though. He didn't want to talk to L, he wanted to be left to his own thoughts.

"You're not very talkative today."

Of course L wouldn't let him get what he wanted, though.

Light glanced down, working through excuses in his head, but the answer was really right in front of him, "Well, I'm trying to eat, L."

There was silence for a moment, and it was then that Light realized what he had said, "Ryuzaki."

L's eyes remained well hidden behind a bored mask, his lips an almost firm line, tilting down at the corners in an uncaring way, "Right, it would be nightmarish to choke on such a tasty treat. But nothing like whatever nightmare you had earlier, I am sure."

Light glared instantly, snapping, "Drop it, alright?"

"I only want to help you. You know that, so why persist? Are we not on the same page?"

Light looked down at that, eating some more to avoid having to talk. He knew he'd have to soon, though. But surely, L doesn't trust him...that's something L would never do.

If L found out that he might be remembering things from his past, then would he simply assume that Light must have amnesia, and that he was indeed Kira all along? Or that he'd done something to make himself forget for a while, and now he was remembering?

He wasn't sure why, but he felt he couldn't tell L. It was probably instinct.

"We are, but a bad dream has nothing to do with me being Kira."

L went back to watching him quietly then, and that was how it continued all day. Them going back to the apartment, doing various things from working on cases to watching the news, neither of them talking much, except for when necessary, and L pretty much watching him almost all the time.

Light was relieved when it is finally began to get dark outside, "I'm going to sleep early."

L nodded, not looking up from the papers before him, or the laptop before him on the bed.

So Light laid down, and dread slowly began to eat at him. He didn't want to sleep, because he didn't want to dream. He was quite tired, though, and really, he didn't look forward to having to avoid eye contact with L anymore, so the sooner he fell asleep, the better.

On the other hand, he could pretend, and that would be enough to make L think he's sleeping. That was really all he needed.

The plan began pretty well. He stared at the room around him from his position on his side, trying to keep his eyes open, but soon he felt like he was drifting.

He jolted a few times, right when he would be about to fall asleep, but at that point, he was extremely tired.

Soon morning came, somehow, and he found himself walking up to L, who sat at the long desk, with all of the computers on it, but something was wrong.

The room was red, and everyone was frantic, and then...L was falling.

Light watched, completely still as he stood in shock, watching the detective, and it felt like everything was in slow motion to him.

He ran forward, catching L partially, to help him avoid hitting his head... _because Light wouldn't want him to die in such a nice way._

He kept the act up as he watched L stare back up at him, but then he couldn't help it. _He smirk, evilly, as he watched L's life drain from his eyes, and then L's eyes slowly closed.  
_  
 _Light held back his laughter as he continued to smile wildly..._

"No, no, L..."

Was he in Kira's mind now? Did he wake up and kill L? How...?

"Light-kun?"

Light blinked, but only darkness met his eyes, so he sat up shakily, looking around.

A hand on his shoulder made him turn towards the other person in bed, and he had never felt happier to see L.

It all clicked in his head suddenly. It was another bad dream.

He hadn't realized he'd been crying, but L suddenly reached up to carefully wipe the tears away, "Light?"

Light stayed still, for once in a long time he wasn't sure what to do. Being as tired as he was, he couldn't even think properly.

L lifted Light's chin to meet his eyes, "I want to help you, Light. But I can't do that unless you let me."

Swallowing felt difficult to Light, and maybe it was just him, but it felt extremely warm in the room. He blinked as sweat made it's way around the corners of his eyes, and he tried to focus on L as the room started to spin.

He quickly looked down and backed away from L's hand, but it didn't mean he was running again. Quite the opposite.

"The day before yesterday, I remembered something...but it wasn't really my memory...I remembered being Kira."

L's only visible reaction was his eyes widening a little, a slight look of shock on his face, "Light-"

"Yesterday, I woke up because...L, I don't think it was a nightmare. I knew so much in it... I was writing down names of criminals...I was..."

"Light-"

"And just now, I woke up because I remembered watching you die. I felt so...happy...so insanely happy...b-but I swear to you, it wasn't me...!"

"I know."

Light looked up quickly to meet L's eyes through his own, teary eyes, "You don't actually trust me."

L shook his head slightly, "No, I do. I've seen you fake many things, Light, but you would never pretend to cry. You have too much pride for that. Right now, you're tired, and you're weak...your tears are real."

Light looked back down, the heaviness of that day slowly fading from him. L's logic was right, there was no way he was actually Kira. He sighed, relieved.

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

L simply nodded, a small, but still slightly creepy smile on his face.

Neither of them were tired enough to sleep, but they sure weren't going to get up, so they laid back in silence for some time.

"I hope this means you'll trust me for now on."

Light glanced over to L, "I don't think that's fair... _Ryuzaki_."

L turned to meet his eyes, and for once, Light felt like L was being...well, more honest and open than usual, "You know I can't tell you my name. What if Kira somehow manages to take control of you again?"

Light shook his head softly, "What will be your excuse when we're sure Kira can't control me?"

L let out a small sigh, something Light wasn't used to hearing, "Once we're sure, I will gladly tell you my name. But, what if Kira will always be somewhere within you?"

Light swallowed uncomfortably, "Then I wouldn't want to live."

L frowned a little at his response, but nodded, "Well, hopefully that won't be the case. Try to get some rest."

Light watched as L turned away to lay on his side, and Light found that he was craving his company. Maybe it was just that in his dark, tired, weak, and broken time, he couldn't help but need someone who seemed to understand. And L just seemed to understand. Not that he'd ever say that out loud.

He sat up again as he felt himself drifting, and he accidentally hit his head against the wall in the process. He quietly cursed his clumsy, tired self.

Sitting up didn't really help a lot though, so he blinked some and shook his head, trying to wake himself up. He really didn't want to sleep, he really didn't want to remember, and he really didn't want to cry anymore.

"You aren't used to staying up all night, are you?"

Light shook his head as he looked over to L who was sitting up too, now, "I rarely needed to pull all-nighters for anything School related."

L continued to stare at him silently for a moment, "They're just memories, Light," he said, "If anything, they might be useful to us."

Light knew that was true, but he didn't want to do something, knowing full well it'll hurt...physically or mentally.

Suddenly L moved closer to Light, putting a arm around Light's waist to pull him close, "L-"

Light found himself speechless, though, as L's other arm came around him, pulling him into a sort of sideways, one way hug.

He was leaning against L, now, his head on L's chest and shoulder area. He could hear his heartbeat near his ear, a steady drumming sound, and it felt extremely warm and...nice.

He couldn't even think, really. He was warm, relaxed, and very comfortable, not to mention he was tired. So, in the end, sleep was inevitable.

The only thing he could manage to wonder, is whether or not he'll be angry at L when morning comes.


	6. Guilty

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 6: Guilty**

 **AN: This will be following L's side again, because of things. Also, there's little bit of language in this chapter.**

 **I'm also very sorry for not updating this sooner! I'll try to have the next one out soon! Enjoy!**

* * *

It was about one in the morning when L gave up on sleep, instead getting up to make coffee on a desk near his bed, since he couldn't go to the kitchen with the chain being connected to Light.

He gave himself a reasonable amount of sugar-about 10 cubes-before sitting down to drink it, letting his mind wander as he re-watched the video of Light from a few nights ago.

There was no way he was Kira, of that L was sure, but L wouldn't call him trustworthy yet. He was hiding things, even now. Maybe after last night he'll be a little more honest and upfront, but L doubted that he'd be completely honest, and maybe rightfully so.

L couldn't just tell him his name, though, that would be foolish on both their parts, even if Light seems to think it's only fair that they both be totally honest.

Surely he knows the dangers? No, of course he does.

So the only other reason Light would have to ask him of his name, is if the dangers of it don't matter to him. Kira could very well be pulling the strings. Light would then unknowingly, yet purposely let himself get completely taken over by Kira again, somehow, and then L would be as good as dead.

He would make sure to quiz Light on things that surely only Kira knew, to see if his theory is possible.

That would probably make Light angry, though. Not that it really mattered. Still, perhaps he should have some idea of what to do if Light demands him to show that he does trust him in return.

There wasn't a lot that could be connected with his actual name...

* * *

Several sugary sweets later, L got back into the comfortable bed where his laptop awaited him.

Light stirred as L got into his sitting position before his laptop, causing L to look over at him for a moment.

His face looked troubled, just like it'd been for the last few nights. Back when they'd first investigated Light, he'd looked so peaceful asleep. L wasn't sure if he had been Light or Kira then, but he missed his relaxed expression.

L liked to think that he knew the difference between Light and Kira. He liked to think he had met Light somewhere along the way.

Light had told him that once he had wondered if he were Kira, but L couldn't tell when that may have been.

Maybe it was when he was released and handcuffed to L the first time? That would make sense.

L's thoughts slowly derailed as he heard something, and he glanced back again at Light, trying to remember how long he'd been lost in thought.

Light was sitting up now, eerily quiet with a frown on his face, his eyes a red color, his cheeks tear stained.

L wasn't sure what to say, or if he should say anything at all, but while wondering, Light spoke first.

"Is my dad dead?"

L stared at him for another moment, trying to decide how upset he was, trying to read past the mask of pure curiosity. The tears showed one thing, but his eyes were trying to lie.

"Did you remember something about him?"

Light's anger was suddenly directed at L as he leaned forward, grabbing L's shirt, "Tell me, damn it!"

L instinctively grabbed Light's wrists in return before answering, "Yes, he is."

Light's eyes narrowed in anger, and a few tears ran down his cheeks, " _How_ did he die?"

"Light, now's probably not a good-"

Light roughly shook L, the chain connecting them rattling as he did so, "Tell me!"

L tried to stay in his calm looking state, though he wasn't quite calm, "It hardly matters..."

"L, please!"

L stayed silent for a few minutes, staring at Light as Light stared back at him. Time was as good as frozen.

A few more tears ran down Light's face before L finally spoke again, almost too quiet, "Kira."

From Light's face, L could tell he already knew.

Light looked down, gritting his teeth as the tears came more quickly, "N-no..."

L easily took his shirt from Light's now loose grip, and for a moment he didn't move, but soon Light was sobbing, and L carefully and unsurely moved his arms around Light to hug him.

"H-how many people have I killed?"


	7. Slow Change

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 7: Slow Change**

 **AN: Had writer's block for a little while, but I got struck by inspirational lightning, so, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

* * *

The next few days were extremely quite. Light hardly spoke since his last nightmare, and L knew for a fact that he hadn't slept since then.

L supposed he shouldn't have pushed him to sleep like he had, but Light was going to end up remembering it sooner or later, so it probably didn't matter.

Still, he wished he could get Light to stop acting so...dreary. It was like a bad day at Wammy's all over again. And most days at Wammy's were bad days.

He just wanted to see Light's bright smile, his happy eyes.

Or even his angry, frustrated glare.

Anything would be better than the frown on his face or his red, dead looking eyes.

L glanced back to where Light was on the couch, eating some sort of sugary snack. Something was definitely wrong.

And L had no clue as to how to fix it. Emotions weren't the kind of things L usually helped with, not really, anyways. And how was he to help with something he had no practice with? Help with something he never had help with?

When he was younger, when he cried, no one was ever there to help him...mostly because he never wanted any to see him. Well, Watari had seem him cry a few times... Anyways, now he didn't know how to help Light.

So, with his lack of knowledge in mind, he started a different plan to help Light.

Light seemed only slightly confused when L told him to get ready to go somewhere, but soon he sat next to L in the back of one of L's cars, "Where are we going?"

Though he had asked the question with nearly no enthusiasm, or care, L still took it as a good sign, "You'll see," L replied.

It wasn't a very long drive, and not long later the car was stopping outside of Light's house.

Light looked back to L in confusion, "Why are we here? You know you can't release me yet."

"I know," L nodded, "But I thought maybe you'd like to visit?"

Light stayed quite at that, glancing towards the house. L had hoped to see some sort of emotion in his eyes: happiness, sadness...but there was nothing.

Maybe later then, L thought with a very quite sigh, then he opened his door and got out, "Come on, Light."

L made his way to the front door, Light close behind, then L knocked on the door and glanced back to Light again, wondering how he'd get him to show some sort of emotion.

Maybe he would just annoy Light. At least he would get an reaction then.

"What is it?"

L stared at Light, happy that Light was finally talking again, but he remembered not to show it, "Your mother doesn't know who did it, yet. She only knows it was Kira. I think it's best if we keep it that way."

Light looked away, "She deserves to know."

L almost rolled his eyes, "If you care about her at all, you know you can't tell her. Really, Light, off your game, aren't you?"

Light sighed, "Should I bother acting... _normal_ , in front of her?"

L pondered that, then shook his head, "She will assume you're still upset...that's natural. Plus, like I said, you're off your game."

The door opened then, the brown haired, brown eyed woman standing before them. She smiled when she saw Light, but she looked as if she'd been crying, "Light! I haven't seen you for-for a long time!"

Light gave her a small smile, but it didn't last, "I'm sorry."

L could tell the apology wasn't just for not coming by more often, and he lightly elbowed him before turning to Mrs. Yagami, "May we come in?"

"Yes," she nodded quickly, her smile starting to fade as well, "Of course."

L and Light followed her in, shutting the door behind them, then they stepped into the quite living room.

Sayu was sitting near the couch, on a wheel chair, staring into space.

L watched Light, sadness seeming to wash over him, despite how he'd seemed lately.

"Sayu..." Light said quietly, walking over to her, "S-Sayu?"

Mrs. Yagami looked down, pulling out a tissue from her pocket, "Every now and then...she just...sits there. The doctors have tried to...do something...but nothing helps. When she manages to speak...or to actually...look at people...it's a miracle..."

Light shook his head, his eyes growing watery, "No...no..."

L cleared his throat suddenly, "She is improving, though."

Mrs. Yagami nodded in his direction, but Light turned to angrily face L, "How would you know that?"

L hesitated, realizing Light was going on another emotion roller coaster. When he came off the roller coaster last time, he hadn't been okay...far from it.

"Well?!"

L shrugged, "I'm the one who's been paying for her treatment, since hers and your father worked so hard on the Kira case."

Mrs. Yagami gasped, staring at him, before quickly turning away, tears running down her face, "If we could...if we could not mention..." she suddenly walked out, quickly.

Light turned to glare at L then, "Are you an idiot?!"

L narrowed his eyes, feeling something flare up in him, "You had asked, I was simply answering."

"You'll never learn..." Light shook his head angrily, "You can't just say things like that, L!"

L tilted his head, keeping his gaze steady, but harsh, "You're getting emotional again."

"I'm sorry that I'm so human, L! Not all of us can be as heartless as you!"

"No, sadly, not everyone can keep their emotions in check," L paused, still glaring, something he didn't do often, "But you've been acting ridiculous! Crying and yelling, as if you were some sort of child!"

Light snarled, suddenly jumping at L and knocking them both to the ground, "Some sort of child?! Is that what I've been acting like?! You have no clue what I'm going through!"

Light moved to punch L, but L quickly dodged to one side, grabbing his wrist, "Oh, really, I don't? Because if I remember correctly," L kicked Light in the stomach, pushing Light onto his back, so he was on top, "I've been here the entire time. I've seen the pain you're going through!"

They glared at each other, and Light made the next move, pushing forward and knocking L into a small table, which fell over, breaking some pottery that had been on it, but they both ignored it, "If you understand, then why say I'm acting childish?! You're not making sense, L!"

"Alright," L paused, "Perhaps my anger is getting in the way, but you misunderstood. You _are_ being emotional. That was my point. You need to make yourself think clearly. I hadn't intended to start a fight."

Light abruptly punched L, "You should have told me you were helping Sayu!" he punched him again, "And you can't go around mentioning my dad like that, or the Kira case! Did we really come here just so you could upset my mom?! Is that what you wanted?! You started this fight, damn it!"

L groaned, rubbing his face where Light punched him.

Sighing quietly, L took a moment to think, and he realized he _had_ let his feelings out. Light did tend to make L genuinely angry...he was usually better at holding it in, though. Was he changing? He usually didn't spend a lot of time sharing his actual thoughts with other people, because other people were usually dimwitted...but with Light...maybe he had been spending too much time with him?

Light suddenly sighed, getting up and off of L, "Can we just leave?"

"Are you sure about that? I can stay out of your way for the rest of the trip."

"Alright," Light glanced back to him, "But you'd better not even talk to my mom!"

L nodded in agreement, then he stood up, moving to sit on a chair.

He stayed quiet, thinking about what had happened in the last few minutes, analyzing things from his memory, reading expressions from Light. He did this the entire time they were at Light's house, forcing his mind to stay focused. It was a good way to past the time, in his opinion.

They hadn't stayed for more than a few hours, and soon they were back in the car, on their way back to the apartment.

L supposed that they maybe the visit did help Light. L heard that seeing family was always nice...

He knew one thing was for sure, he got plenty reaction out of Light. Maybe the fight had also helped a bit. It made L feel better, anyways.


	8. Becoming the Monster

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 8: Becoming the Monster**

 **AN: Starts off following L, but sort of changes to Light later in this chapter.  
**

* * *

"I've never come across a problem I couldn't solve."

L looked over at Light, who was staring out the window on his side, his chin resting on his hand. _Is he annoyed, or just tired?_ L wondered.

L stayed quiet, waiting for Light to continue, and soon Light did, with a sigh, "But L, this problem...the Kira case is going into an unknown territory. It's not about finding a serial killer anymore, it's now about...what? Waiting to see if Kira can control me again? It feels like we're waiting for a bomb to go off."

"I don't know what you expect us to do," L said, "We have no way of figuring out more about Kira...except by you."

Light turned away from his window, meeting L's dark gray eyes, "You make it sound as if I'm reluctant to help. I would tell you if I knew something important about Kira."

"That is what you say, anyways."

Light didn't respond to that, and L wondered if Light was holding something back, but the car stopped at that moment, and they both got out.

Staring at Light, L wondered if he should question further, Light spoke first, though, "L, seriously, why would I lie to you, now? That would be stupid."

L watched Light as he started to walk past their apartment, and L followed, not liking the idea of a walk, but he stayed on their current conversation, "I never said you were lying about anything, Light."

"Well, you kind of accused me."

L hummed, "No, I didn't, because you weren't lying. You only said you would tell me if you knew something 'important' about Kira, which could mean many things. To me, everything is important about this case now. What aren't you telling me?"

Light went quiet as they walked, and L realized that walking might be a relaxing method for Light, since he was used to walking a lot.

L breathed in the warm air as he waited for Light to answer him, staring up at the colors mixing overhead. Sunset was upon them. L wondered if they should head back soon, the idea of walking at night was less appealing to him than walking itself.

"L, if I'm weren't telling you something, don't you think I'd have a reason?"

There was no way Light actually thought that holding information from him was smart...right? Maybe Light's emotions really were screwing up his logical thinking.

"A reason for holding back information about a deadly case? Light, I thought we were done with that, as fun as it was."

Light shook his head, "You really don't understand."

L bit his lip for a moment, attempting to keep his anger in check, but he kept his voice calm, "Are we going back to playing games, now?"

Light suddenly stopped walking, turning to look at L, "I'm not Kira...I mean...not really... I don't want to play games with you, L. I want more than anything to get rid of Kira, but I don't know how. And the 'information' I have is of no use to us. If it were, don't you think I'd tell you? To finally put this...this 'case' to rest?"

Maybe to Light, it was of no use, but L still wanted to know everything. L opened his mouth to say something, perhaps to reason with Light, but a sudden sound made them both go silent as they looked around, then they heard a loud, high pitch scream.

Light took off in the direction it seemed to have come from, and L quickly followed him. L started running over possibilities in his mind. They were in a fairly low quality part of town, and it was night time. A robbery, maybe?

Soon they were stopping on one of the streets surrounded by older buildings, other hotels and houses that were either for sale, or otherwise not is use.

There was a group of men, near one of the buildings, and there was a blond woman before them. She was shaking, yet...was she glaring?

"Get your hands off her!"

A few of the men turned to look at Light as if he were crazy, and one of them asked, "Or you'll what, kick us?"

Light glared, "Maybe I will."

There was a small chuckle from a few of the men, then one of the grabbed the woman by her hips, leaning forward to whisper something to her...probably a threat. Or she responded badly, anyways, by trying to move away from him, hitting him uselessly with her fists.

The rest of the men started walking towards L and Light, though. L looked over to Light, "Are we taking them on?"

"Yes," Light paused, glancing to the woman, or more importantly, the man next to her, "But first..." he stopped again, then with a louder voice, he said, "Hey, what's your name?"

The man near the woman glanced back at him, staying quiet.

"I mean, you know," Light paused, purposely fidgeting, but still glaring, "When we...uh, kick your butts, we're going to need to know what your name is...for the newspaper?"

L caught on quickly, "I really want to go home, my friends are expecting me for a game night."

Light elbowed him, being obvious about it, "Dude, shut up! You want to be a hero, right?"

The men were talking amongst themselves, then one of the bigger ones looked back to the man near the woman, "Hey, wouldn' want to ruin their chances of bein' heroes!"

They all started laughing, joining in on mocking Light. Finally the one near the woman spoke up, "I'm Fred Smith," he laughed, "Make sure they spell it right! Oh, wait, you won't even get that chance! Never mind!"

Light glared, hating 'Fred Smith', even though he'd only met him. "Fred Smith," he said, angrily, with no actual reason, other than the need to say it. Maybe it was a part of his Kira side, remembering the name, to write it down later. The Death Note was gone, though, unfortunately...wait...no, _thankfully_.

Anyways, now that he went out of his way to make himself look stupid, he figured they'd have the element of surprise, and that the first two they fought would be easy, at least. Plus he had his name, to tell the cops...though he doubted that it was his actual name, but it didn't hurt to assume that maybe this guy was an idiot.

Suddenly 'Fred' gripped at his chest, though, breathing with short, quick breaths, sweat coming down his face...he was having a heart attack.

Fred let out a strangled scream, then he fell down against the wall, going limp within a minute.

The other men there quickly looked at Light, "It's Kira!" one of them screamed, "Run!"

Light moved to chase them, but L grabbed his arm, "They're the least of our problems. Explain yourself?"

Light's breath caught in his throat. He didn't know how to explain...he didn't even know how he had just done that. He turned to meet L's curious eyes, but he didn't move other than that, he didn't open his mouth.

How did he do that? Was saying their names enough? What about having to use the Death Note? This didn't make sense to Light.

Light staggered forward a little, remembering when he was at his house earlier...he had been watching the news, and when he'd seen the criminals...he hadn't noticed it earlier, but he had had a weird need...a craving...to kill them.

He could have passed that off as thinking irrationally earlier, but not now...

"Light?"

"We need to go back to the apartment."

"Light, if you've been lying-"

Light interrupted L by quickly grabbing his shirt, "No! No, I haven't! L Lawliet, I swear, I haven't been lying, and you know that! You know it! Now, please, can we just go home for now? I'll explain everything later, I promise..."

They were both stopped from doing anything else, though, when another voice spoke, "Light?! Light!"

Light turned towards the blond from earlier, "Misa?!"

Misa ran forward, abruptly hugging him, "I was so scared for you! I've missed you so much!"

"Misa," L said, "Would you mind leaving for now? You can come visit Light later, but we actually should be working."

Misa turned, still hugging Light, to glare at L, "Oh, you really think I'm stupid, huh? I know you're lying!"

L reached into his pocket, pulling out some paper, "Do you have a pen?"

Misa grumbled, but reached into her purse to get him a pen anyways, and Light escaped from the hug then.

"Here," L said, finishing writing something on the paper, he handed the pen and the small piece of paper back to her, "Address and phone number, so, if you don't mind?"

She looked longingly to Light, "We'll have to catch up later...I really have missed you, you know!"

Light nodded, "See you later."

Misa took her pen and the paper back from L, "Bye, Light!"

They both watched her walk off, then Light glanced at L, "That was oddly nice of you."

L turned, walking in the direction of their apartment, "Really? It was nice of me to hand her the address to the Matsuda's place and his phone number? I think she'll disagree."

Light laughed a little, "Matsuda will be happy, at least."

The strange dose of happiness didn't last, though, as Light was reminded of their earlier conversation.

L sighed, "Misa always interrupts important things... Anyways, want to tell me why you called me 'L Lawliet'?"

Light swallowed uncomfortably, looking away from L, and trying to pretend, yet again, that the weird names and numbers he sees are all just in his imagination.

But they weren't.


	9. Voices in his Head

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 9: Voices in His Head**

 **AN: Still following Light's side. Sorry for not uploading sooner, but I promise I won't stop updating until this is finished! Speaking of, someone thought I had ended this, I think? If I ever end this, I'll be sure to make it clear. :)**

* * *

Light didn't speak at all on the way back, and L never repeated his question...

 _Anyways, mind telling me why you called me 'L Lawliet'?_

Not that Light was looking forward to answering his question. He was actually shaking a little, which was odd.

He wasn't sure how L would react if he knew the truth, though...he wasn't sure how L would react if he knew that Light had started knowing- _seeing_ people's names.

And from Light's memories, even as Kira, he had never been able to do that. He would have needed to trade some of his life for the Shinigami eyes...which he hadn't.

So really, the question ringing in his ears was, how the hell was any of this happening?

"Light?"

Light glanced over at L. Oh. They were home, that's nice.

Light breathed in shakily, but the cool night air did nothing to calm him, and he quickly headed inside, ahead of L.

He heard L shut the door, and he felt himself panicking, without really knowing-or understanding, at least-why. He would make something up, so there was nothing to worry about.

He unsteadily sighed, clenching and un-clenching his fists, then he moved to the kitchen, quickly grabbing an apple, and unthinkingly biting into it...but it reminded him...

 _He took a bite of the apple, heading back to his room with his snack in hand. After having shut the door behind him, and locking it, of course, he sat at his desk, pulling out the Death Note..._

Light shook his head of the memory, but...still...

 _Throwing the apple to Ryuk over his shoulder, Light continued to walk home, staring at the idiots who walked around him, by him, or across from him. They were all idiots. But some of them were not only stupid...some of them were evil...some of them deserved to die...no, they needed to die._

"No..." Light shakily slid down from where he was leaning against the wall, and onto his knees, "No..."

 _L, did you know, Shinigami-_

"Light? Are you alright?"

Light shook his head, feeling sick, feeling like he would vomit. He threw the apple, looking away from it quickly.

But when he looked at L, he had a sudden urge...

 **He thinks he's so smart. He has no clue how stupid he truly is.**

He wanted to kill L.

Light quickly scrambled up, moving further from L, to front room of the apartment. He felt his heart pounding in his chest.

"Light, what's going on?"

 **He doesn't know what "justice" is. And sadly, he never will. He'll never even get the chance. He doesn't deserve the chance.**

Light looked away from L, trying to clear his mind, trying to think straight. He had the urge to say L's name, though...L's actual name.

"Light? Light? Hey," L stepped closer, and Light's back hit the side of the couch as he tried to put distance between them, "Light, are you listening?"  
 **  
Oh, I'm listening alright.**

Light glanced to the door of the apartment, but L caught that, and quickly moved forward.

Light stood, making a run for it, but L crashed into him, and they both fell on the floor with a loud thud.

"Light, talk to me!"

Light shook his head, "I...I can't...I..."

"Light!"

Tears started welling up in Light's eyes, but he blinked them back as best he could, his breathing fast and shallow, his heart pounding loudly, sweat pouring down his face...he felt like a mess.

"L-Ryuzaki...I can't...I..."

L quickly grabbed Light by his shirt, pulling him up a little, then he quickly raised his hand, his fingers curled in on themselves, his thumb sticking out, but tight around his fingers...and he punched Light.

Light yelped in pain, turning away, reaching up to touch his no doubt bruising cheek, "Why...?"

"I am sorry. You weren't making sense."

Light breathed in, then sighed, feeling somewhat calmer...though he wasn't sure why. L punching couldn't have been the reason.

He sat up a little, as best he could, but L was still over his legs, and still had him by his shirt. He wasn't going to let him get far, apparently.

"I...want to...kill you."

L's face didn't change at first, but then he suddenly tilted his head to one side, "I said I was sorry."

"No..." Light shook his head, swallowing, "I mean...let me explain..."

"Please do."

Light breathed in again, trying to find some way to calm himself, but he decided he should just start explaining, and work on calming down later, "I remember everything... I have for...a few days now. All of Kira's memories...all of mine..."

L nodded, seeming calm about all of it. What a heartless jerk, Light couldn't help but think.

"And...I can see people names... I kind of noticed it...earlier...after I...accidentally killed that guy."

"I noticed."

Light glanced up to meet L eyes, "I always thought 'L' was short for something."

L shook his head a little, "Light...weren't you trying to explain?"

"Right...and I've been having urges to kill people... And urges to kill you... And about the guy...Fred... I don't know how that happened, honestly. I had been saying his name out of...instinct, I guess? I'm just...used to it. I used to repeat names to make sure I remember them, to write them..."

L sighed, "Continue."

"About me freaking out... L-Ryuzaki...I don't _want_ to kill you, you see... There's literally this thing that keeps...urging me. It's like someone else's thoughts are-are in my head and I-I don't know what to do..."

L stood up suddenly, turning away from him.

"L?"

Light was met with silence, though, "L, what is it?"

With still no reply, Light tried to calm himself down again. He put his hand to his chest, even though he could literally hear it anyways.  
 _  
Thump, thump, thump, thump..._

He breathed in yet again, shakily, then he stood, sitting on the couch instead.

If Kira was slowly taking him over...then what could he do? What could they do, to stop him? Unless...no...no.

Light squeezed his eyes shut, tears spilling over and running down his cheeks, mixing with sweat.

The couch shifted a bit, letting Light know that L-Ryuzaki...had sat down next to him, but he didn't look up, because of shame or fear, he wasn't sure.

"I'm scared too, Light..."

Light still didn't look up, clenching his shirt sleeves in his hands instead.

"And that's perfectly natural...but I believe we can put an end to Kira...together."

Light glanced over at Ryuzaki, then he nodded, even though he didn't believe a word of it.

A few minutes passed in silence, other than some traffic outside, and Light let his eyes close, leaning his head against the couch.

The sound of clinking chains made him look at his wrist instinctively, where Ryuzaki was putting the hand cuffs back on both of them, "It was stupid to take these off earlier, even if it was for your visit to your family."

Light didn't reply, leaning his head back against the couch, letting all of the quiet noises wash over his senses, until anything normal sounded loud. He focused hard on the little noises, hoping that he wouldn't be able to think.

And as his mind grew slow and sluggish, his mind wandered away from consciousness, into a land of memories and fiction. A meadow, even. There were beautiful flowers surrounding him, and in the distance, he could see trees...lots and lots of trees.

He looked back to Sayu, smiling at her as she said something he didn't hear. It hardly mattered to him anyways. Probably just her fangirling about some boy from something.

"Light?"

Light turned, mumbling something that even he wasn't sure made sense.

"Fine."

Find? Find what? It was L who needed to find something. He clearly lost his damn mind. Light turned away from him, walking by over to Sayu. He glanced up at L, though. L was frowning, looking at something...and that was when Light saw it...a tear. A single tear ran down L's face. And it...fell.

Suddenly Light felt uneasy, like he was being lifted, and he realized the earth beneath their nice shoes was shattering into a thousand shards. He hated it when that happened.

He was suddenly on another surface though...a cloud. He gripped the edges of the cloud, looking over the edge to make sure the picnic was safe. It was, thank goodness.

A loud noise shook everything, though, and he started falling again, screaming. L was there, then, trying to help him, but they couldn't reach each other, because L was chained to some idiot.

Perfect.


	10. Long Night

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 10: Long Night**

 **AN: I hope this is good, I mean, for a chapter where the main character is super tired, ha, ha. I feel like this chapter is just as important as the others, though.  
**

 **Also, sorry if the dream part at the end of the last chapter threw you off!**

* * *

Light blinked, abruptly finding himself in a dark room, on a bed. He sat up slowly, realizing he had been having an extremely bizarre dream...but then...how was he in bed?

He glanced over that L, who was leaning against some pillows and the wall, eating a lollipop, and staring at Light.

Light shook his head, wiping at his sleepy eyes, "You don't even try to sleep some nights, do you?"

"You know why I can't sleep."

Light laughed, but there was no real humor in it, "It's not insomnia unless you actually try to sleep."

"I'm...scared."

He froze at that, "Ryuzaki..."

"I hate losing. And I could lose any minute now...to my best friend...and my enemy."

Light bit his lower lip, "It's either you or me..."

"What was that?"

Light shook his head quickly, "Nothing...just...how did I get here?"

"I carried you."

Light looked back over to L, looking at him for a good long minute. He actually noticed that L's hair was messier than usual, his eyes looked weird...watery, or something and he had his free arm crossed over the one holding his lollipop stick.

L shrugged, "I asked you to get up so we could go to bed, because I thought sleeping on the couch would uncomfortable for you, but you said no and something about a special tear. I considered leaving you there, but I decided to carry you back instead."

Not really paying that much attention to what L was saying, Light instead asked, "Have you been crying?"

L glanced down for a minute, "What? I don't know what you meant by 'special tear'."

Light shook his head, "No, forget about that. Have you been crying?"

L shrugged again, and Light realized abruptly that he didn't do that often...was he really that...scared?

"L..."

"Don't say my name."

Light felt like he'd been slapped, a fresh stinging feeling washing over him, and yet, he also felt a pang of guilt, "Sorry..."

"No...I mean," L sighed, "Don't say it like that. I don't mind you saying my name... I don't want pity...or sympathy."

Light stared at him, shocked. He glanced down, "Well...as long as it could help you, I don't care whether or not you want it."

L shrugged, yet again, "Fair enough."

The longer Light stared, the more he found himself realizing... L was just eating a lollipop...no laptop in sight...and he noticed that L was shaking, the slightest bit. It hurt Light. It made him want to help L.

He reached over for a second, carefully touching L's arms, but L backed up the slightest bit, "Light...don't try to...comfort me. I'm on an edge here."

"Huh?"

L's glassy eyes looked down, "An...emotional edge."

It clicked then. L was holding back his emotions, as he often did. And right now, he was holding back tears.

Light sighed, laying back against his pillows, "You should let go...I'm here to catch you."

"Maybe I don't want to be caught. Maybe I don't want to fall."

Mumbling, Light said, "I do..."

"What?"

He shook his head, "Nothing. Ryuzaki...at this point, I know your actual name... You really have no reason to hide anything now."

L suddenly put his lollipop in a bowl on his desk, then he layed back too, "I know. It just...makes me uncomfortable."

Light thought about that, and decided that that was reasonable. Still, since either of them might die now, he decided he should at least know something about L, other than what he already knows. He hummed for a moment, then said, "Tell me about your past...when you were young."

L looked like he at least thought about it, but he quickly shook his head, "No."

Frowning, Light stared at L, "Why not?"

"Light," he started, "Just...not tonight...not right now. Ask me later."

Light was annoyed, but he nodded.

Silence overcame them then, and Light felt himself drifting once more.

He found it odd, that at any minute...he could kill L. Yet he didn't want to...well, a part of him did...but that part of him wasn't originally there, no, that was Kira, somewhere within him.

He wondered how that worked. Was Kira kind of...possessing him? If so, then how the hell do they beat him? Maybe...no...he would think about things like that later.

"Do you ever find that no matter how dark it is, or how comfortable you are, you can't be tired?"

Light smiled a little, his eyes still closed, "Sometimes, I guess."

"I hate it."

That was odd for L to say, Light thought. Maybe he was already asleep, and this was a dream? Well, whatever, he was still gonna go along with it, "It's all that sugar you eat."

"No, I have insomnia."

Light chuckled, "You wish you did."

"Why would I wish that?"

Light actually didn't know why...but it seemed like something L would do, "Because you're you. Do you want me to, I dunno, hug you to sleep or something? Ha, ha, ha."

"If you're referring to what I did...I am sorry."

Light felt some anger rush through his veins, "No, you're not. It was for the sake of the Kira case. You could never truly be sorry about something so important."

"You're right...but I am sorry that it hurt you. You do...understand the importance, though...so, you're not...angry?"

Light thought about it, then he almost laughed, "Are you asking me to forgive you?"

"Perhaps."

He couldn't help it...be burst out laughing. It was hard to say what was so funny about L saying that, but it was funny...or at least, it was to Light.

He put his hand to his upper stomach as he continued to laugh uncontrollably. Yet, he still felt so tired.

As tears from laughing escaped his eyes, he was reminded of how much his eyes hurt-probably from a lack of sleep- and he quickly got a hold on himself, wiping at his eyes, while trying hard to keep them closed.

"Sorry," he mumbled, slurring the slightest bit, "What was...um...the question?"

"Are you tired?"

He laughed a little, "Duh..."

There was a bit of silence, and part of Light realized too late that what he had said sounded stupid. Only part of him, though.

"Are you...gay?"

Why was he asking that? Light laughed a little at the thought though, "Gender preference..." he laughed some more.

"Are you?"

Unthinking, Light answered him, "I don't think so."

"Hmmmm. Do you...know how Kira controls you?"

That was random as... Wait. Light sat up a little, turning to L to glare at him, reality rushing through him, "Seriously? You asked me a test question to see if I was sleepy enough to tell you everything? You don't trust me at all!"

L opened his mouth to say something but stopped for a moment, then tried again, "No...it's not... Light...I do trust you-"

"Don't lie to me!"

They fell silent, then L glanced away, "I thought, if you were tired enough, you would explain what you otherwise wouldn't...for whatever reason. And I trust you have your reasons...but I want to know everything... I'm a dying man, can you blame me for being cautious?"

Light breathed in unsteadily, "Right. Sorry. Look...I can't. I'm way too tired for this, L."

L turned away then...angrily? Light raised his eyebrows, but realized that L had every right to be angry. He could die at any minute, as far as they knew...and Light...was too tired to explain his Kira memories?

He sighed, "It's...sort of embarrassing, actually," he stopped, thinking of how to word everything, and watched as L turned to stare at him, "I remember everything...but not everything makes sense. I mean...I know...what happened to me...but none of it..."

He trailed off, getting lost in dark memories, "It hurts...to remember. And I think I'm too...I mean, I'd rather run from it, than try to figure it all out..."

Looking down, he forced himself to stare at the blank, white sheeting of the bed, instead of meeting L's dark gray eyes, "I'm sorry. Being in the mind of a killer isn't as fun as it sounds..."

"Light," L began, "It's late and..."

"You think I'm weak, don't you?"

Light met L's eyes, and watched as he nodded, "I do...but I have no clue what you're going through. So...if you don't want to talk about it...it's not like I'll force you to."

Light nodded a little, too, lying down again next to L. He didn't say anything else, because there was nothing else to say. If he couldn't figure out more about Kira...then they couldn't stop Kira.

He was left with only one option.

He would have to-

"I'm sorry, Light."

He glanced over at L, "For what?"

L swallowed uncomfortably, "Everything... I know it's not just my life at risk. Yours has been at risk for a while now. Not to mention the pain you've suffered..."

"L, we really don't have to talk about this."

L nodded, "Goodnight..."

Light faked a smile, "Goodnight."


	11. The Bell Again

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 11: The Bell Again**

 **AN: Just wanted to say thanks again for all of the support! Can't thank all of you enough! :)**

 **Hope you enjoy this chapter! Let me know your thoughts! :)**

* * *

The sound of rain woke Light up from a dreamless sleep, and he sat up in bed, wiping his eyes, before turning to check the time.

Seven...something. He sighed, trying to clear up his blurry morning vision.

Glancing over at L, he was surprised to see him still asleep.

Sleeping was probably the only time you could convince Light that L was normal... His legs were actually stretched out, in a relaxed way, his arms in front of him...no weird positions or weird habits. It was...kind of boring...

Light finally turned away, moving to get out of bed.

He headed to the living room, and memories from last night flashed in his mind. He looked to where he had thrown the apple, but it wasn't there. He smiled a little, softly, at the thought that L had thrown it away for him. L probably thought he was crazy.

After considering whether or not he wanted to eat, Light grabbed himself a bowl and a box of cereal, not caring that it was some sugary kind. It didn't matter that much right now.

Trying to busy his mind, he sat on the couch with the bowl of cereal, turning on the TV to the news, but he quickly changed the channel to some kind of action TV series instead.

He tried to keep up with the show, but his mind kept wandering back to other things, more important things...like how he would fix their extremely frustrating and seemingly impossible-to-fix issue.

Kira wasn't something they could see, communicate with, or contact, in any way. They weren't even sure as to what "Kira" was.

Well, they knew he could apparently possess people, but they didn't know much else. How were they going to stop him? They knew nothing of actual importance!

Sure, they knew what they wanted to know all along, like how he kills people...but now? All of it is worthless. How did they stand a chance? They didn't.

"Light," L greeted when he walked in, making Light jump a little.

Light met L's eyes, "Oh, hi. You're up early."

"Am I? I didn't think so. It's nine."

His eyes widening, Light looked back to a commercial. He knew he had finished his breakfast some time ago...but seriously? He must have been lost in thought, "Oh...well, yeah," Light decided to change the subject then, "I don't think I've ever seen you asleep before."

L walked off to the kitchen, grabbing breakfast-cake-and started walking over, "You haven't."

Light shook his head, "I saw you this-"

"I wasn't sleeping this morning."

Light stared at him, "What?"

Taking a big bite of the cake, L said, "I wasn't sleeping when you woke up earlier...I was tired, though."

When he thought about it, it did, in a way, make sense...but this was L! He never acted that tired, he never looked normal, he never did anything...normal. He was eating cake for breakfast, for goodness sake!

Light shrugged it off, though, switching off the TV. The weirdest thing about L was that he sometimes seemed normal, Light decided.

L sat-or crouched, rather-next to him on the couch, and Light searched for something to talk about, which he didn't often do, "How long have you been up?"

Shrugging, L took another bite of his cake, "As long as you, more or less."

Light nodded, not really caring that much, but wanting to find something to talk about anyways, "What woke you up?"

There was a small moment of silence, then L quickly stabbed into more of his cake, getting himself another bite on his fork, then he put it in his mouth. Light waited, wondering why he wasn't answering right away. Was he stalling?

"The sound of the bell."

Light stared at him, paralyzed. His mind felt slow, but his heart was quick.

It seemed like hours, but L said nothing, so Light said nothing.

Light wasn't even looking at L anymore. L was eating his cake, quietly, while staring off into space, and Light was sitting there...just sitting there.

The sudden sound of thunder didn't make Light jump, but it shook his core. His mind.

" _What are you doing, Ryuzaki?"_

 _"Oh. I'm not doing anything in particular, it's just...I hear the bell."_

 _"The bell?"_

 _"Yes. The sound of the bell has been unusually loud today."_

 _"Hm? I don't hear anything."_

 _"Really? You can't hear it? It's been ringing non-stop all day. I find it...very distracting. I wonder if it's a church, maybe a wedding, or perhaps a..."_

Light swallowed the lump in his throat with some difficulty, and he swiftly moved his arm across his forehead, wiping away sweat.

"It had been raining."

L glanced over at him, but Light didn't notice, staring straight ahead, "I-it had been raining."

"Yes," L said quietly.

Light quickly stood up, stumbling, "What kind of sick sense of humor do you have, L?! You can't joke about-about that!"

L stared at him, confused, "What?"

"The bell!"

Looking extremely serious-and maybe a little angry-L stood as well, leaving his cake plate on the couch, "Have you ever known me to joke?"

Light felt himself shaking, "What the hell does that mean?!"

L sighed, looking down and away, "You already know."

There was silence, save the rain and thunder, and then Light shook his head quickly, "No...no...you couldn't have literally heard a bell! That's crazy!"

L stayed quiet for a minute, "Well...it's difficult to explain..."

"Shut up!" Light yelled, "Shut the hell up! I...I..." he paused, then he turned around, breathing heavy, before sighing shakily, "I'm going to the roof for some air..."

He hated it. Light hated it so much...but he couldn't do this. Not again. Not to either of them.


	12. The Descent

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 12: The Descent**

 **AN: ...  
**

* * *

The heavy rain continued to drench an already very much wet Light.

The sound of thunder, and the way the lightning would spark in the distance made shivers run through Light, but he stayed where he was, unmoving.

He breathed in the sticky, wet air, then he sighed, really just wanting to go back inside. He couldn't though. Not really. Sure, it wasn't Light's fault all of this had happened...but it wasn't L's either. And L had already played with death enough.

If L were to even try to stop Kira...he would stand no chance. He would be dead as soon as he even attempted something. The game was going to end soon...one of them was about to die...and it wasn't going to be L. Light wouldn't allow that. He wouldn't allow L to be stupid and let Light win. Light wasn't a cheater. He only won fair fights.

He stepped closer to the edge of the roof, staring up at the rain as it poured down on him, hitting his face and running down to his neck.

 _"Huh, what are you doing?"_

 _"I thought I might help you out. You were busy wiping yourself off anyways."_

 _"Look, i-it's fine, you don't have to do that."_

 _"I can give you a massage as well. It's the least I can do to atone for my sins. I'm actually pretty good at this."_

 _"Fine. Do what you want."_

 _"Alright."_

 _"...hey!"_

 _"You'll get used to it..."_

 _"...huh? Here, you're still soaked."_

 _"...I'm sorry..."_

 _..._

 _"...it'll be lonely won't it? You and I will be parting ways soon."_

 _..._

 _"Huh...?"_

Light sighed...he felt...relaxed, almost. Part of his mind was still racing, but...he felt kind of calm. This was better than the alternative, at least. It was him. Not L.

Sure, it would still be difficult...but it made it easier to think he was being the hero. He was protecting L. He was doing what he wanted to do all along: make the world a better place...but he never thought he would do that by jumping off a roof. Then again, he also had never thought he would find a book to kill people with, much less that that book would possess him.

When he thought about it-he usually tried to not think about it, though-he was still a killer, despite it not actually being him. It's his body, his hands writing the words...

He deserves to die...oddly enough. And if there was one thing both he and L wanted, then it was justice.

...

 _This was justice._

 _..._

 _This was right._

 _..._

 _This had to be done._

 _..._

"Light!"

Light spun around quickly, seeing L, who was actually standing a few steps away. Light backed up the tiniest bit, his right foot's heel on the edge of the roof.

Noticing this, L stepped forward a little, hands up, half in defense, half trying to reach out to Light, "Don't...please."

 _Why did he come up here?_

Light decided that that was unimportant, though. A better question was "Why not?", but he didn't ask that. He felt speechless, actually.

He never thought he would see L like this; soaked, tired looking, and reaching up to Light, pleading for Light to not jump off a roof. He supposed this was a strange road they had been down. Well, it was strange from the start...

Light looked back, over his shoulder, to what traffic there was below...his mind was elsewhere, though.

How did Light, an above average student with social problems-and a minor lying habit-get into this mess? He thought about this often...how odd it was, that he-he, of all people, stumbled onto the Death Note, and into this mess? He knew he wasn't chosen...it was chance, but it was still odd.

Made him feel weird, to think someone else could have stumbled onto this.

Anyone else would have gotten caught and killed, probably. Later, people would realize that there was more to it, and an innocent life would be lost... Maybe that would have been better.

Light wouldn't have met L, though... Was it so selfish of him to think that even after all the pain he made them both endure, he wouldn't have changed this? After all of the lives lost? After all of the pain his only family endured...?

Maybe it was...but, even through all the pain, suffering, and near torture he's felt...this journey had it's good times.

 _No...surely I would change things, if I could? Of course I would..._

He sighed, suddenly feeling heavy. It was easier to just think that this wasn't so bad. Easier to admit that he was okay with the idea of death.

Sure, he felt fear...death was kind of scary. It's human to be scared of death. At the same time, though...what he could do, if he doesn't die, is scarier. Being Kira, not being able to do anything to stop that...what if the next time he finds himself in his right mind, he has _actually_ killed L?

What if he kills everyone he knows? His _mom_? _Sayu_?

He wouldn't _want_ to live. He should just go ahead and end the madness, before Kira kills anyone else... Before _he_ kills anyone else.

"It's been nice, L..."

Suddenly L grabs his wrist, and Light turns to meet his eyes. He almost gasps, the emotion in L's eyes shocking him. Sure, he had gotten to know L pretty well, he thought, but still... _emotion_. Sadness; written on his face and in his eyes, mixed with anger.

There had only been a few other times when he saw what looked like sadness in L's eyes.

 _"...it'll be lonely won't it?"_

Would L be lonely, without him? Light sort of hoped so.

"Light...don't."

There was authority in his voice, something Light hadn't expected, and he found it interesting. Even so, L couldn't possibly know any way to get them out of this, so was he speaking on emotion? Of course he was, and Light had to not listen.

"What choice do I have? What choice do _we_ have? It's the only way, and you know it. Don't make this harder than it has to be..."

L stared at him with his dark, teary eyes-or maybe it was the rain that continued to pour, which was also soaking his clothes, and making his already messed up hair seem a bit less messy.

"I refuse to think that there is no other way..." L began, his voice shaking slightly-Light decided that it was either because he was cold or his emotions were running high-, "I know...it's illogical...but...I... We can find another way..."

Light stared at him, stared at the mess L has become. Since when did his emotions control him? Light supposed he had noticed before, but it was still odd to him. It's like life passed by Light, and he was just now looking back at what had happened, what he had missed.

Had it really only been 13 days? 13 days since he admitted he was Kira? 13 days, more or less, since he had gotten his body back?

It felt like it had been longer than that...

Suddenly, Light said, "L...you're right."

 _What the hell?_

L looked a little thrown off, "W-what?"

"I don't know what came over me. Of course you and I will work this out, somehow. I mean, we're both geniuses, and if we work a little harder, I'm sure we can accomplish our goal...together."

L nodded, but he still looked a little confused, "Right...this was the dumbest thing you've ever done, by the way."

 **Agreed.**

"I know...and I'm really sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Really?" L paused, as if thinking, "No, you're not. It would have been for the sake of the Kira case, and you could never truly be sorry about something that important."

 **Playing games again so soon, I see? Well, I can play those games, too, L.**

Light ducked his head, "Okay, okay...so I admit, I'm not actually sorry...but if I were to do it, I would be sorry for you, because I know it would hurt you."

L narrowed his eyes, "What if I'm just lying about caring? Maybe I don't care. Maybe I just need you to be alive, for the Kira case. Perhaps I've been lying this entire time...maybe you should jump, Light."

 **Hostile, L?**

"W-what are you saying, L?"

L glared a little, "Do you honestly believe that anyone would still be by your side if they knew you were also Kira? That you've killed people, Light? Your own mother would hate you. Nobody likes a killer. And you, Light...you're a killer."

"No, I'm not!" Light paused, thinking, "I..."

 _He's...Kira's...I can't let him..._

"Yes, Light?"

There was a moment of silence, and then...Light quickly turned, and jumped as far as he could.

Light didn't scream, like they did in movies or anything, he stayed silent, his mind frozen, things blurring by him, the world spinning...

"Light!"

 _How is it that I'm actually able to...fight Kira? I thought he would take total control...but...well, I suppose it hardly matters now. It'll all be over soon..._

 _I have no regrets._


	13. Gone

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 13: Gone**

 **AN: Don't kill me? Don't kill me yet, alright? ^.^ Let me know what you're thinking, BTW!**

 **Following L's side.**

* * *

Dark eyes stared at the unmoving, lifeless body of a once happy, kind, and smart young adult. In the last few days, he hadn't even been himself, though. Not really.

Light had always been way more intelligent than people around him, he had always had a sweeter side-the side that cared about his family, his sister-and he had always been pretty happy, aside from the difficult, or boring times.

Light didn't search for trouble, didn't like looking for the problems of life...he was almost optimistic...but he saw things around him. He wasn't dumb.

In the last few days, he had been so...sad, quiet, angry...screwed up, for sure. L would be willing to say that Light was depressed...but L would rather not.

After all, Light had thrown himself from a roof, not a day ago. Surely his reasoning hadn't been based on emotion? Maybe partially, but...no. Light wouldn't have done it for just that reason, if at all for that reason.

Still, L had to wonder what had happened on that roof...what had been going through Light's mind...and if Kira had been there.

L was certain that he had been there, trying to control Light...or maybe already in control of Light...but what if he had been wrong? What if Kira had nothing to do with any of it?

L knew Light better than that...he hoped.

On the other hand, why would Kira jump? He wouldn't. Light would...but no...he...

L sighed, frustrated with himself, tired, and actually sort of hungry. How could he eat at a time like this, though?

He put his face in his hand, feeling hopeless. When was the last time he felt this...emotional?

Probably back at Wammy's.

He remembered that day as if it were yesterday, as ridiculous as that sounds. He pushed it from his mind, though, as he often did.

He would only go through that story a few more times in his life. And he had hoped to go over that story-and all of it's pain-with Light...well, he would when Light asked again...

Light was dead though. That's what the doctors said, that's what his pulse showed...L didn't believe it.

He found his thoughts stupid, as if they were from an unrealistic TV show or something, but honestly, it felt like Light couldn't be dead.

Even though he was right in front of him, his pale body still.

He could hear Light's voice, smell him, almost imagine he was right next to L, instead of being in that bed. What would Light say, if he could speak right now?

 _"No, you're right, it was Kira."_

 _"I jumped because I was depressed, L! I'm sorry I'm so human."_

 _"Kira jumped. You hurt his feelings."_

It was laughable, the kind of stuff L could think up when he was this emotional.

"L-Light..."

L looked up, turning to see Light's mother standing in the doorway. She was clearly upset and had rushed to get here. No makeup at all-or did she usually not where makeup?-her brown hair was messy, and she had tear-streaks all of her cheeks, her eyes red.

Before her was Sayu's wheel chair, and thankfully Sayu seemed pretty aware of things at the moment. Or maybe unfortunately? L wasn't sure.

Then he remembered, he should act...polite, or emotional, or something, "I asked them to leave him here for now..."

Mrs. Yagami simply nodded, wiping at more of her tears. She looked like she wanted to go forward-to cry all over her son, or whatever-but she  
moved to sit near him instead.

L felt like he was drowning in the emotions around him. Was this normal? Was this a natural feeling? He did feel really upset after Watari...he  
hadn't seen that coming...

He quickly put those thoughts to an end, not wanting to bring it up again. Ever.

"How did he...?"

L looked over to Sayu, feeling happier at hearing her voice, but he had to remind himself _Light just died_.

He looked away from her bright, brown eyes. He wasn't sure how to explain it. He wasn't sure what excuse to use. He actually didn't know the truth.

He had jumped off the roof, too, and managed to grab Light and slow both of their fall, but...after the fall...Light was just...dead.

From what L and the doctors found, there was no way the fall killed him...

L cleared his thought, feeling...awkward, "Well...he..."

Suddenly Mrs. Yagami interrupted him, "I-it doesn't matter right this moment...I'm sure it...it must be rough f-for you..."

L looked over to her. He was shocked. Didn't she see what a weirdo he was? That's what everyone said they thought he looked _and_ acted like.

It didn't upset him, as most of what average people say is absurd, anyways, but he was used to it. Used to the thought.

He frowned, looking down. L was sure that Light learned a lot from his parents. Even L had to admit that he liked Light's parents a lot. They were different from the average people L knew. They were special.

L looked back over at her, "He died protecting the world...that's all I can say..."

He watched as her eyes widened, more tears running down her face, but then she smiled a little and looked down, "He was always so much like his father..."

L glanced back to Light's lifeless body. He was like his father. Light was brave, smart, kind, understanding...

Why him?

L stopped to wonder what he meant, but he couldn't decide. Just...why him? He didn't know what he wanted...he just didn't want Light to be dead.

L had lost his family at a very young age, lost Watari a while back, and now Light too?

He glared at the floor, angry that again, no matter how many people he worked to help, he still lost people.

It wasn't like he was a detective just for the money. He had dreamed of his career the day his parents died. The day they were murdered.

 _He was crying on the floor, near their bodies...their bloody bodies..._

"Um, L?"

At the sound of his name, he came back to reality and looked over to Matsuda, who apparently was also here now.

"Yes?"

Matsuda scratched the back of his neck, "I was, uh, asking what happened to your arm?"

Stupid Matsuda. Light was dead. _Dead_. And he...he wanted to know about L's arm.

L looked away, "Nothing."

He should have realized the sling his arm was in would raise questions. He sighed, then noticed Misa had also arrived, and was sitting with Mrs. Yagami, both crying quietly.

He noticed a few other familiar faces. Was it getting crowded, or was it just him thinking that?

He wondered for a moment if he should leave, but he decided he wouldn't. This was Light...he would stay by his side until he was buried.

Besides, he wouldn't be able to focus on any cases yet, so he had nothing better to do.

Who was he kidding?

After this case...he wasn't sure he would take on more.

The Kira case proved that; one, strange things exist, and he would have to learn a lot more if he planned on doing any other cases; two, he would have to re-learn to hold all (or most, at least) of his emotions back; three, making friends is still as dangerous as it's always been for him, and thus, a bad idea.

He sighed again, realizing how empty he felt. How messed up he felt. Broken. Destroyed.

Light ruined his life.


	14. The Final

**Saving the Light Within**

 **Chapter 14: Crazier Still**

 **AN: So, the reason this chapter has different "parts" is because each part was originally going to be a different chapter.**

* * *

 _"Yesterday, you admitted to being Kira, a 'god' and a killer."_

 _..._

 _"I remember seeing that...seeing you die. I'm so sorry, L..."_

 _..._

 _"I'm not Kira...I mean...not really... I don't want to play games with you, L. I want more than anything to get rid of Kira, but I don't know how. And the 'information' I have is of no use to us. If it were, don't you think I'd tell you? To finally put this...this 'case' to rest?"_

 _..._

 _"You think I'm weak, don't you?"_

 _..._

 _"Really? You can't hear it? It's been ringing non-stop all day. I find it...very distracting. I wonder if it's a church, maybe a wedding, or perhaps a..."_

 _..._

 _"Light!"_

 _..._

 _I have no regrets._

 _..._

Sitting up much too quickly, Light looked around, confused. Was it a dream?

He realized suddenly that he was in a hospital of sorts, but he also noticed he wasn't plugged into any machines, and he didn't have any wires on him.

 _What the hell?  
_  
He quickly shut his eyes, trying to think, trying to remember...what had happened, before this? Why was he at a hospital?

He...he had jumped? Hadn't he?

He swallowed, remembering that he had indeed jumped...but...this didn't look like heaven, hell, or nothingness. Or not to him, anyways.

His memories were blurry, his mind slow and sluggish, but his heart was beating quickly.

 _I...I don't understand... This...what is this? What happened? I know I jumped, I know I did...but...then why am I here? I...no, this doesn't make sense. None of this makes sense._

He sighed, extremely confused. He felt so lost.

He glanced around the room again, paying more attention and _actually_ looking now. The white curtains on the windows in the room were pulled back a bit, letting in what looked like evening sunshine. Or maybe it was morning?

There were two chairs next to his bed, a desk on the other side of his bed, and a bigger desk by the door, and on the other side of the door, there was a bigger, more comfortable looking chair-wait...L?!

L was staring back at him, looking as confused as Light felt.

Light didn't say anything, feeling speechless. Instead he took to studying L; he looked more tired than usual-if that were possible-and his messy hair was looking kind of weird, less clean. L was dressed in the usual, of course...bare feet and all. He wasn't sitting as he normally did, though...he was...sitting like everyone else sits.

Light wanted to ask so many questions, "What's going on?", "How am I alive?", "Why are you being weirder than usual?", "Are you okay?"...he didn't ask anything though.

He just kept...thinking.

And then, it hit him...he couldn't see L's name...

 _What does this mean?_

"Light...?"

His eyes snapped back to L's. He swallowed, not knowing what to do or say. Finally he decided he needed to say something, though. He breathed in, then sighed, "L?"

There was a moment of silence, then L stood, walking over, before suddenly grabbing Light's wrist, checking his pulse.

They stared at each other, and Light realized L probably had as many questions as he did, so he stayed quiet, waiting for L to say something else first.

L let go of Light's wrist then, sitting on the side of the bed. It seemed like minutes passed before L cleared his throat, "That...was the dumbest thing you've ever done."

Light remembered Kira's reply, and he smiled the tiniest bit at the thought of L testing him, "I'm not sorry."

Raising an eyebrow, L then asked, "Not even sorry that it hurt me?"

Light frowned at that, but as he thought about it, he realized he wasn't at all sorry. He shook his head slowly, "No...it was right. You of all people should understand that...you do understand that...and anyways, you would have gotten over it..."

L stayed quiet for a few seconds, then he glanced away, "Perhaps... What exactly...happened, Light?"

"I..." Light paused, thinking, "I'm not sure. I just remember jumping..."

Meeting Light's eyes again, L said slowly, "You had jumped, but I had followed and managed to grab you...I hurt my arm, trying to grab something to slow our fall, but even after a fairly safe fall, you..." L looked away, "You were dead..."

Light had known that, somehow, but it still confused him, "How?"

"We aren't sure...you just..." L paused, _clearly_ struggling, "Damn it..."

Shocked, Light stared at L. The first thing he noticed was that he could...tell what L was feeling...could see it. The second thing he noticed was that L cursed...he didn't do that often...and he sounded...angry?

"L? Are you alright?"

L sighed shakily, "No. I'm not. Light...I thought... I thought I had finally became in control of my emotions...but then you died, and... I wouldn't have gotten over it that easily.

Light looked down, "Good."

L finally glanced back up, "What?"

Meeting his eyes again, Light couldn't hide the small smile that played on his lips, "I know it's wrong...but I would want you to miss me...a little bit, at least."

Something like realization passed through L's eyes, "Would you miss me, if I were to die?"

Light nodded, and without even having to think about it, he said, "Of course I would...I mean, we are friends."

L seemed to think about something, then he nodded, before suddenly changing the subject, "Light, your family was here, along with Misa and a few other people... They saw that you were... They know."

For a few seconds, Light wondered why L kept dancing around the word "dead", but he pushed that thought aside, deciding he needed to figure out what they would do now, "What do they think happened?"

"I told everyone that I couldn't disclose the information of what you were doing, when you...died. They know nothing about it, except that you were doing something for the good of the world."

Light nodded to himself, "Could we just say it was a miracle? Or the truth? We don't know?"

"It doesn't matter to me. I just can't believe it... Light, you said you jumped...but was Kira somehow...?"

L didn't continue, but he didn't really need to, "Yeah, he was...kind of controlling me, but I jumped..." pausing, he thought about the situation again. It would seem he killed Kira, but...could that be? Kira was gone...Light wasn't sure why, but he was sure of it. He felt no urges, no...

He breathed in, shocked at something he realized. What if the only reason he felt all of it was because he...wanted to kill people? He was feeling those urges...not Kira... It was the same when he had the book...it didn't control...it influenced him...empowered him.

It made him act a little differently than how he normally would...but...it was Light's fault too...wasn't it?

"Ryuza-"

Light looked up. His mother stood there, in the doorway.

Suddenly L stood up, walking over to stand closer to her, "I was just about to call you, Mrs. Yagami... I don't know how...but he's..."

She stared back at Light, shocked, yet happy. She quickly walked over, and Light could tell she was going through a lot of emotions; confused, happy, curious.

When she was closer, she hugged Light tightly, and he couldn't say he didn't enjoy it. He quickly hugged her back, loving that she smelt like home...if that made sense.

When she eventually pulled back, she was smiling and crying, "Oh, Light...Light, it wasn't your time..."

He smiled a little, but guilt was in the back of his head, tormenting him.

L cleared his throat then, "I'll call Misa."

Light's mom nodded, still smiling as she wiped at tears, "I'll go get Sayu. Light..." she paused, "Light, would it be too overwhelming if we celebrated tonight? With just some of your friends?"

Light shook his head, feeling like he could use some normalcy, "I would like that."

His mom nodded, "I'll go get Sayu, now, I'll be right back."

He wasn't sure why, but he wanted her to stay suddenly, "Wait, Ryuzaki can get her."

His mom glanced over at L in the doorway of the room, "Is that okay?"

L nodded, "That's fine."

Light watched L leave, his phone out to call Misa. L didn't seem annoyed, so maybe he wouldn't mind to much. Light just really wanted to spend time with his mother.

"He's really sweet."

Light glanced back to his mom, "What? Ryuzaki?"

She smiled, "You know I'll never judge you for anything, right?"

Trying to figure out what she meant, it suddenly dawned on him, but he played dumb, "What do you mean?"

"Well...I know you've never seemed very interested in girls...if you like him..."

Light let himself laugh a little, "Honestly? I'm _not_ gay."

She suddenly frowned, but then she shrugged, smiling again.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, then she said, "It's like you never even left..."

Another jolt of guilt. He sighed, looking away. He didn't deserve any of this. If he was right, he brought this on himself. On everyone. It wasn't totally his fault...but it was mostly his. And she deserved the truth.

"I'm sorry...for not telling you this sooner...but...dad's death...was...my fault..."

She hugged him, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly, "Light, don't do this to yourself. Don't blame yourself for something that...that monster did."

He gritted his teeth, trying not to cry, and he felt anxiety running through him. He regretted sending L instead. L was the only one who truly knew him. Who truly understood him.

Light moved to get up, but as soon as his right foot touched the ground he winced, sitting back down, groaning in pain.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Light gripped the sheets of the bed, "My...my leg..."

* * *

 **Part 2**

His leg turned out to be broken, likely from the fall-however short it was-but thankfully, it wasn't too bad.

Or at least, it could have been worse...probably should have been worse, too.

L had come back with Sayu, Misa, and Matsuda, and so Light ended up getting a huge hug from Misa, and Matsuda tried to be polite, but it was awkward.

Light was mostly happy to see Sayu, but Misa's upbeat and happy personality was kind of nice, too.

After several hours of having everyone talk to him-well, except Sayu and L-Light felt pretty exhausted. Thankfully, L noticed, "Mrs. Yagami, didn't you say something about celebrating at your house?"

Light's mom turned to L then, nodding, before turning back to Light, "I did! Should we get going?"

"Um," Light stopped, thinking about his answer, "You can all go on ahead...Ryuzaki and I will be there later."

She nodded, smiling, then hugged him, "I'll see you in a bit, then."

As his mom stepped away, Misa walked over, kissing his cheek, "See ya, Light!"

Light smiled, "Bye, Misa."

Matsuda waved, and Sayu nodded a little before she was being pushed along.

Light sighed when L shut the door behind them. He loved his family, and Misa and Matsuda were pretty great, but he still wasn't used to seeing them so much.

It felt like he had spent 13 days of isolation...but when had this become his biggest problem? He literally died...and _this_ was bothering him? Being surrounded by people who care about him?

Speaking of his death, though...he felt like he should tell L about his newest discovery. No...L wouldn't look at him the same, hearing that this was all really Light's fault, all along. Light had lied to him, several times...sure, he didn't mean to...but...he saw now, he had wanted to kill L.

Because deep inside...he thought it was right.

Or maybe he was just imagining things? That's more likely. Plus, he isn't sure that it's true, it's just a theory, really. Yeah, he wouldn't go telling L something he wasn't sure about.

"You look deep in thought."

Light glanced up to L, "Well, I did die not too long ago."

L's eyes shifted away from him, "Do you want to talk?"

He should tell L...he shook his head, though, "No, not really..."

"I see...well, I won't pry."

How was it L knew something was up? Well, whatever, Light still didn't want to tell him.

Swinging his legs over the bed, Light stood, grabbing the crutch near his bed, then he managed to go to the door, "Let's go, L."

L nodded, then they both left the room and went to the parking lot, L reaching out to help Light whenever it seemed like Light was going to fall.

Light didn't say anything, but he honestly didn't need the help.

Once they reached L's car-where his driver was, waiting-Light stopped near the side he usually gets in on, then L opened the door for him and grabbed the crutch, placing it against the car.

Getting in was a little bit of a struggle, but he managed, then L shut the door back and put the crutch in the trunk of the car before getting in on his own side.

"Thanks...for everything, L."

L glanced over at him, looking a little concerned, "You sound as if you're saying goodbye."

"No, no, I'm not..." Light said, shaking his head.

"It would be understandable if you want a normal life after all that you've been through..."

Light quickly protested, "Hell no. Everything is so boring compared to working with you."

L raised an eyebrow, then, "I'm...flattered?"

"You know what I mean," Light said, "You're the only one who can get on my level. Plus, after all that's happened, it'll be weird to talk to others who have no clue. I'll have to always hide this, won't I?"

"That's actually not the worst problem...we could always go undercover together. Your title can't be 'L', though. It could be 'K', I guess..."

Light laughed, hitting L's arm, "I'm not naming myself 'K'! I would rather call myself 'R'."

"'R'? Why?"

Light shook his head, "Like Ryuk? I'll tell you about him sometime."

L was suddenly staring, "It really is over, isn't it?"

Serious now, Light stared back at L, "Yeah...I guess it is. I'm relieved...but confused."

"Light, you will continue to work with me, correct?"

The question confused Light, but he nodded, "Of course."

L looked content with the answer, and he looked away.

 _He's still a weirdo..._

But Light supposed if he weren't, Light would get bored.

* * *

 **Part 3**

They had returned from Light's house, and were now back at the hotel, which, according to L, they would be moving from soon.

The party wasn't too overwhelming, thankfully, but Light was all to happy to be way from it.

He couldn't be around him mother. He couldn't look her in the eye, or hug her without feeling guilty.

Matsuda proved to be as annoying as ever...but more importantly, it was awkward to be around him, since he also knew about the Kira case. Light would prefer to avoid him, from now on.

It actually hurt to be around Misa, though. It hurt because, though he liked her a lot, she was...too understanding towards his darker side. She didn't mind that he was Kira. She loved him, through and through. And he wasn't ready for that. Maybe one day, he would look back, remember her, and go to find her. One day, he was sure, most of his guilt would subside, and he would want her to be there with him then.

He still would miss Sayu, and with her being so...different, he would have to talk to her more often-if possible-and maybe see if he could become close with her again. He wanted to know her again. He wanted to be her friend again.

He sighed to himself as he started to think of his future. He didn't want to think about it.

He wasn't sure where he would go from here. Wherever L took them, he supposed. He didn't know how he could live normally after the things he had done, been through, or seen.

Maybe him and L would continue to solve cases together? But after this case, was it a good idea to test death a second time?

He just didn't want a Kira case repeat.

On the other hand, maybe they were best qualified, should something like that happen.

He supposed if there was another Kira outbreak, or anything similar to it, he and L wouldn't have a choice, unless they were to just sit and hide away from the next Kira.

Hopefully there wouldn't be anymore strange note books. Ever again.

"Lost in thought, again?"

Light glanced over to L, who was on the floor in front of the couch, on his laptop, "No-I..." he paused, "I think...I think all of this was my fault."  
"How so?"

Light sighed again, "L...the Death Note only influenced me...it made my urges stronger, but... Look, since Kira is actually just the Death Note, it would seem..."

"When the Death Note was burned...Kira possessed you in the same way the Death Note used to..."

Light nodded, not meeting L's eyes, "I'm sorry I lied all this time...I didn't realize it until...well, after I came back, I guess."

L stared at him with his big, dark eyes, "What do you mean?"

"I-I...this entire time...and before we even met, before I even found the Death Note...I always thought the world would be...better off, without some people in it... The Death Note...it just urged me to kill people I already wanted to kill...I'm...I'm a killer..."

"Light, if simply thinking that some people should die makes you a killer, then everyone is. As far as I understand, everybody wants someone to die."

Light looked at L in shock, "L... I wanted you to die. Somewhere deep down, I actually wanted to kill you...just because you were trying to help others by stopping me! And what does that say about last week, or whenever that was? I wanted to kill you. I don't even understand why..."

L put his thumb to his mouth, "Perhaps it grows stronger the longer you're under it's influence? First you're simply urged to do what you wanted, and then with that empowerment, you want to kill more and more... And since you stopped yourself from watching the news, that cut you off from killing people who actually needed to be killed. Thus you wanted to kill the only thing you could."

Light nodded slowly, "You might have a point... It still bothers me to know that if I had the power...I would probably do it again."

"Power is dangerous, it had nothing to do with you."

"How can you say that so easily?"

L suddenly looked annoyed, "Because it's true. You know that."

"What about you? Do you think the world would be better off without some people, L?"

L smiled suddenly...it was one of his creepy smiles, "No, I'm much more selfish than that."

"W-what?"

L shook his head, now, looking away, "Never mind it."

Light stared at L, confused by what he meant, but he stayed quiet, deciding not to ask about it.

It was probably best if he just left all of the Kira stuff in the past.

He may not know what lies ahead, but it was better than what was behind him. He would go towards the future with a hope that everything would be fine from there on out.

And with L at his side, it wasn't like there was a lot they couldn't accomplish together.

 _ **The End**_

* * *

 **AN: I could write another chapter to explain some details, if you want.**

 **And also, I'd be willing to do a sequel, if you want. ;)**

 **Right, I'll be waiting to see what you think! :)**

 **Also, I'm probably going to have a Mello and Near story out soon, so be sure to follow me, if you liked this! I would greatly appreciate it!**


	15. Thank you!

**Jane: Thanks so much, everyone! Thanks for following me/my story! Thanks for adding me/my story to your favorites list! Thanks for reviewing this story! Thanks for reading it! Thank you!**

 **L: Also, it was nice you could stick around for the entire story. I honesty don't know why you liked it, but I suppose I don't understand a lot of..."normal" enjoyments.**

 **Light: L, you're breaking the fourth wall! Uh, you idiot!**

 **L: Hm? Oh, yes. My apologies.**

 **Light: Shut up, L!**

 **Jane: -.-'**

 **L: What? I did say I was sorry.**

 **Light: That's not at all what I meant-**

 **Jane: Light, you're not helping!**

 **Light: Well, at least I'm actually trying...**

 **L: There's no reason to be so serious.**

 **Jane: -.-**

 **Light: -.-**

 **L: ...**

 **Jane: Also, I will try to start working on a sequel, I can't make any promises of when it'll be out, though. Maybe November, maybe sooner...hopefully not later than that. Also, I have some other plans for StLW. I might upload the original ending, and what I mean by "original" is that it was going to actually be the ending, but then I changed it. I was also thinking of a behind the scenes of StLW, kind of a funny, easy to write crack series. Let me know what you think!**


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